postheadericon Garbage Day!




Well the garbage strike is finally over. Instead of chronicling the incident (I’ll leave that to a reputable source) I will instead convey my feelings towards the strike through a fictitious conversation between myself and Mayor Miller.




Mayor Miller: Sanitation workers are given sick days so they don’t feel forced to work while ill.

Me: That’s good.

MM: Instead of using sick days as they were meant to be used, sanitation workers now want to bank sick days that they haven’t used and cash them out at the end of their careers.

Me: That’s bad.

MM: Don’t worry. We won’t let them do it.

Me: That’s good.

MM: Uh oh! They’re on strike.

Me: That’s bad.

MM: Don’t worry. Your residence and university grounds are privately maintained.

Me: That’s good.

MM: The streets of Toronto, however, are not. You’ll have to wade through trash and walk past overflowing waste receptacles until this is over. Oh, and since I’m a colossal moron, there’s no Back to Work program or anything like that, so this strike could theoretically go on indefinitely.

Me: That’s bad.

MM: Don’t worry. I’ve come up with a solution: we’ll make temporary landfills.

Me: That’s good.

MM: The landfills will be the pools of public parks, which are metres away from jungle gyms and people’s residences.

Me: That’s bad.

MM: Don’t worry. We’ll fence that area off. Contaminants can’t travel through the air or leach into the groundwater or anything like that.

Me: That’s good.

MM: You’ll have to drive your garbage up to the park yourself. Oh and the process may take a couple of hours and you must remain in your vehicle the entire time. Oh and the garbage men who are on strike will be picketing there and might harass you. While you sit in your car. With your garbage. For hours.

Me: That’s bad.

MM: Don’t worry. We’ve come to an agreement.

Me: That’s good.

MM: The agreement is everything they originally asked for, including bankable sick days. So basically the city had to put up with weeks of garbage-filled streets for nothing. Oh and the deal is only good for 36 months, so the garbage workers’ union can pull the exact same stunt every three years.

Me: ...

2 comments:

anubha said...

Why would the mayor of any city ever talk to you?

(Kidding. Funny post!)

OM said...

Well I talked to Hazel McCallion once when I was volunteering at the YMCA, so there.